Art, fine, but fine art?

So I hope all of you raised a glass in honour of George Carlin.

PFUCKA, George! It's not gonna be the same without you.

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And now on to the subject of art.

Recently, someone on one of my boards recently posted some really nice pics of his hometown of Oslo. They included sculpture by a bloke named Gustav Vigeland.


Wonderful, powerful, tender works of nude figures - usually families - like the dad above, toting his two babies. Well it sparked a discussion on how that sort of thing wouldn't fly over here and I wondered, as I often do, about why folks have such a problem with the nude, non aroused, human form. Especially in art.

I mean it's fucking art, for fuck's sake! Shit.

Why would a marble tit offend you? Or a bronze penis in repose? Who gives a great flying fuck at the moon? Does a copper cootch (or a plaster pudenda) in a park somewhere affect your lifestyle adversly?

So Vigeland's on my list of faves.

I also like Spencer Tunick, the bloke who poses all the nude people and photographs them. How cool a job is that?

Recently, I re-discovered an artist and learned that he had a decidedly bawdy side. w00t!


He's Aubrey Beardsley of the elegant Art Neuveau style. I had NO idea that he had done mostly erotica. He's definately my kinda artist:


I'm lovin' the little guy on the left!

So, what's your opinion of nudity in art? I'm not talking about Beardsley type stuff that is clearly erotica. I mean just nekkid peoples. Sculpted, painted, photographed, whatever.

An anatomy lesson

So, yeah, Armani revealed the new underpants advert featuring footballer David Beckham:

I drooled over it as did all the women and gay blokes that I know. It's a cool advert.

It's David Beckham in his underpants.

Aye, but here's the thing. I happened to glance at the comments left here and was amused at the people who suggested that he'd been Photoshopped.

Hmmm.

See, I'm a wee bit of a penis aficionado (as well you know) and I'm confoozled.

While I'm sure the pic has been 'shopped to correct shading and blemishes and such, I see nothing to suggest that David's naughty bits, his meat and two veg, Vicki's giggle stick and the twins, has been altered.

Looks like a lovely example of standard issue equipment there. I mean, what are these folks looking at? Are they aware of what a man's equipment really looks like? Have they ever actually seen male genitalia from this angle - live and in person - as in this modest version below?

Or have all the examples they've seen been so depressingly small that Mr Beckham looks egregiously large?

(Not that, let me hasten to say, he looks undersized. I'm eyeballing a nice banger there - pun intended - but nothing freakish.)

I think that the doubters of the photo fall into two categories: 1) jealous men, and 2) that most bizarre of females who honestly has no idea what she's looking at here. She's the woman on my baby boards who (alarmingly) is pregnant, will be raising a child here soon, and seriously has no idea of the actual mechanics of conception, pregnancy, and birth. She had no clue as to what a cervix is or that she ovulated at some midpoint between periods. She sincerely believes that pissing into drain opening chemicals will accurately predict the sex of her child and she refers to her genitalia as "down there" and her husband's penis as his "thing".

People, that lovely, large, firm bulge facing the camera is a scrotum (enhanced and supported by Mr Armani's undoubtedly expensive drawers). Mr Beckham's johnson is laid neatly to his right hand side pointing away from the camera.

Bats come with balls. This accounts for most of the mass in most men's shorts. Something along the lines of this:

A purty scrotum is a wonderful thing. Awwwww ... doesn't it make ya just want to pet it?

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PS: have ya ever been surfing pictures of penises on the 'nets and come across one and think: "Say ... that looks just like so-and-so's ..."?

OK, it's just me I guess.

Bah!

Well, I'm having a crap-fucking-tastic day. Seriously. My life has sucked llama arsehole for 3 months now.

I have a gorgeous new son, who is doing fab; he's not the problem (or, indeed, A problem). It's me. I suck. I can't seem to organise myself. I don;t seem to have enough hours in my day. I can't seem to lose any fucking weight despite not eating anything. Fuck, if I eat I don't lose, if I *don't* eat I don't lose. Would that make it a lose-lose situation? Obviously fucking NOT.

I need to clean my house (it makes my head hurt to think about it), but I need to work on my shops. I need to work out in the barnyard, but I can't leave the house (wee people running about loose). I want to just get in the car and drive off sometimes. (But then I miss my kids so badly when I do go anywhere which is always the fucking grocery store. That's it. That's the only place I ever go. The grocery store. Where I buy food that I CAN'T FUCKING EAT. How sad is that?)

I wish I could just teleport myself to the beach for about 20 minutes. Just sit on the sand and listen to the ocean. Just be left alone, by myself, for 20 minutes.

Ahhhhhhh.

But, hey, I've been watching a new British telly show that I must recommend (I'm on a recommendation tear). It's called Black Books and is funny, light, and charming. If you like Britcom, you'll appreciate it, I think.

Ohh ... I also found this. I laughed so hard that Bud Light shot out of my nose. And that shite smarts. I am stunned at the overweening stupidity of which some humans are capable.

And to end on a penis note, 'cause I heart me some penis, I have decided that I am against excessive penis piercing. Honestly. I speak from my penis-loving wee heart. I hate to see something as fucking gorgous as a fine johnson disfigured by too many piercings.

(Now before any of you blows a seal, let me remind you that *I* am pierced, so I'm not anti-piercing. Pay attention.)

Check out this (really well done!) FAQ on penile piercings, here.

It's OK. I'll wait.

Hmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmmmmmm.

OK, are you back? You OK? You look a bit green around the gills ...

Shake it off! Did you see that first John Thomas? That was a lovely member! But all that hardware just detracted from the overall look. Maybe a Frenum ring (or barbell, right), or a Pubic barbell or a Scrotal, if you must, but leave that lovely long lad alone after that!

Thoughts?