Thrifty Mom in a Consumer World

Loving this new Paleo blog

2010-02-05T08:39:00.000-05:00

I am totally loving this blogger whose post was featured here yesterday! That'd be Doug over at Health Habits.

He is actually a personal trainer who endorses the Paleo style diet(!) He has written a brilliant post called What Kind Of Paleo Are You? that is a much better version of my Paleo Page (and I'm thinking of just linking to his on my page).

I was impressed that he sussed out most of the permutations of Paleo and I'm really glad to see someone point out that the Paleolithic / primal / neanderthal / caveman / whatever you wanna call it diet can be modified to suit everyone's needs and still be GOOD for you. You don't HAVE to crouch in the corner of your kitchen and eat raw meat with your hands (have you ever noticed how superior some of those strict paleo folks are? They love to sneer at the rest of us on forums, have ye noticed? Yeah, I've noticed, too.)

So, let's see, I'm a Paleo, plus dairy, minus nightshades, fruit, and new world veg. Woot! Subcategory FTW!

LOL!

PS: check out the obesity by state graph.

Thrifty Cave Mom feel good about food choices! Ugh!

2010-02-04T13:30:00.000-05:00

I'm so damned busy (which is no damned excuse, I know, I know) but it occured to me yesterday (or was that Monday? Was day before yesterday Monday?)

ANYway, it occured to me, erm ... this week, that I DO get to quickly read many many great articles and blog posts via my Twitter Tweeps in the corse of a week and the LEAST I could do was just re-post 'em here. That way, any actual readers who wandered by (heh. as if) would have content and my Tweeps would get some linky love and perhaps the cobwebs wouldn't build up around here so.

So here's today's:

Caveman diet GOOD. (via the Helath Habits blog and @Mark_Sisson)

Check out this cool graph which shows the (shocking) difference in carb intake in 10,000 years:

(Ugh ... is that blurry? Wanted you to be able to read it)

Anyway, WOW! 59% refined grains?! 18% sugars!

And to think I was feeling a teensy bit wicked about my noon meal of jumbo shrimp, steak, and mashed rutabegas all drenched in real butter.

*burp*

Worrying about what others think, again

2010-01-27T09:46:00.000-05:00

Jeez. A blog post a month? OK ... that's just shite.

ANYway, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry I'm not one of those Twitter Moms who put up a blog post every single day (and Tweet it several times! *simper*) plus finish a crafty project to put up on Etsy every week (and Tweet it! With pics!).

SO not me.

I'm on the tired, harried, bedraggled, mom end of the spectrum. Just this week: husband sick, oldest son's foot impaled by nail in the barnyard, more illness, truck still not fixed, and I straggled in to the elemtary school today - hair awry, and grubbily clothed - to retrieve the sick child's homework after spending the afternoon rolling 1200lb round bales of hay off the trailer in the cold and the wet. I was (as I Tweeted!) muddy and crabby and bloody well ready for happy hour to begin.

I wondered then: do I envy those moms who always look so put-together, peering archly out at me through designer sunglasses and the side window glass of an expensive, late model SUV? Those women who have never had to roll pennies to put petrol in their cars, who have never had to drag a sick goat into the barn and out of the freezing rain, who put their pre-schoolers in daycare - even though they are at home - just so they have some "me time" to hit the gym and the Starbucks?

Nah.

(OK, OK, I do envy those lovely newer Suburbans (which seat eight) that so many of the mothers-of-two seem to drive (carefully edging around even the teensiest pothole lest they cause the slightest mud splatter!)
and have adorned with the wee stick-figure family and, their own monogram - in pink! *squee!*)

*hack*hack*gag*

Sorry. Anyway, so ... yeah, (as Eddie Izzard would say.)

I sincerely don't envy those people. Folks can live and parent as they see fit (or are able). It would be nice if they didn't look down their noses at me and had a bit of comprehension of how really busy I am, but hey, what can you expect from people who have never suffered adversity or wanted for anything in their lives?

The worst thing that has ever happened to these ladies was not getting asked to the junior prom by the person they wanted, not getting to have that particular shade of persimmon for their bridesmaids dresses, not getting the matching stroller/carseat/diaper bag combo that was on their massive baby shower registry.

Aw, poo. Life sucks sometimes doesn't it?

I try to cut 'em some slack when they don't understand that I just don't have the time or the means to donate money or my own presence for the myriad little "things" - parties, fundraisers, appreciation gifts, holiday celebrations - that they feel are so very important. I swear I'm not either 1) a stuck up bitch or 2) a moronic White Trash ho who has no concept of society and who only gets up from in front of the telly to wipe the Cheesy Poof dust off my boobs and come get my kids from school.
My children are there to learn. I have a huge amount of appreciation for their teachers (and support them by sending my child to school well fed, well rested, appropriately dressed, and with all library books, supplies, and homework.) If these other moms feel the need to celebrate, raise funds, or throw parties, then I'm all for it. Just understand that not all of us can do that.

Hey, somebody's gotta drag sick goats.

PS: well, my week's just getting worse. *sigh* Sad day. :(

New decade Quickie!

2010-01-02T07:32:00.000-05:00

Good morning!

How can it be 2010 already?! It was just 1982 a few years ago and I was graduating from Blacksburg high school (Blacksburg VA, home of Virginia Tech, Go HOKIES!) with absolutely NO idea what I was going to do with my life!

Oh, wait ... not much has changed.

LOL!

Sorry for the long absense. As is common in my life, everything fell down and went boom all at once.

Not only did I have to endure repeated exposure to crowds of people in social situations, which makes me crazy anxious, and put up with the Christian Consumer Holiday crap, but everything else went balls up.

At one point - mid holiday - all three of our working automobiles were, erm ... NOT working, which is a teensy problem since we live way out in the backwater have no family nearby who can ferry us about.

To make the problem worse, both vans had multiple problems and we ran out of hay (which we need the truck to transport).

Add to all of this that my cheque for December (from my business - my 'paycheque') got LOST ...

Well, you get the picture.

Anyway, we're getting it back together, one van is fixed (yay!), and the other is in the shop awaiting mechanical love. The truck is in the fixing queue and one of my fulfillment companies (CafePress, the one whose cheque got lost) did an incredible job of scrambling me a new cheque (cut same day and overnighted - Cafe Press WIN!), so we're just fine.

The children had a wonderful holiday, got gobs and gobs of great toys, plus we're all warm, safe, and healthy, which is, really, all that matters. :D

Happy 2010, everybody!

Just had to share this with you:

see more dog and puppy pictures

ai can haz as my permanent avatar?

ROTFL!

Writer, me

2009-12-01T07:42:00.000-05:00

So NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month is over. I'm vastly relieved and also sad. What am I going to do with myself now?

Not only did I finish and make my 50,000 words in 30 days but Bodog did as well AND my oldest son, Boy, finished 3000 words in the Young Writer's Program. It was exhilirating, frustrating, and a huge learning experience (for me anyway).

So, if you say "well, I can't write a novel! I have a job! I have a kid! I have laundry and dishes and dogs to walk and meals to cook!" well, suck it up, sister. I have all of that, plus a farm full of animals and I managed to do it. I may even have retained some vestiges of sanity. *twitch*

Now excuse me, I gotta go write.

Musings on diet and the holidays

2009-11-25T06:29:00.000-05:00

So, I've lost about 5 more pounds, bringing me to a total weight loss of 155lbs. I'm still 20 lbs away from my goal, but that's OK.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, though. Now, I've gotten several comments and questions personally and seen the sameTweeted and blogged and whatever-you-call-posting-on FarceBook'd. The question?

"Oh, so how do you handle the holidays?"

Uhh, what? What do you mean 'handle' the holidays?

Well, it turns out that during Thanksgiving and xmas, apparently, like Halloween, people (mostly women) have some sort of mental breakdown that causes them to gorge themselves. They know that they are going to do this in advance (which is, frankly, scary). They psych themselves up, work out more, diet more, fret and worry all the way up to the holiday in question.

Then they gorge themselves anyway.

THEN they flog themselves on twitter and blogs and farcebook about eating too much. Then the next holiday arrives. Lather, rinse, repeat.

They all want to know how *I* handle these holidays, how it is that *I* won't gain weight. Well, the answer is simple and here it is:

I'm not dieting. period.

I can't 'fall off the wagon' or 'cheat' because I'm not on a diet.

Diets don't work. They are a powerful, pervasive, MYTH. If you are on a diet or dieting right now, then you are just treading water.

Sugar and grains are bad for you. They will kill you. They cause obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. I want to be a fit and healthy 80 year old, not a fat, sick, and tired one*. Indulging myself now on sweets and 'comfort foods' just because I want to is not worth ending my life unable to walk or breathe.

So I don't eat them, end of story. I'd no more eat "just one tiny piece" of Halloween candy than I would take "just one tiny" drag off of a cigarrette. I'd not eat a slice of pecan pie any more than I would snort a line of cocaine. I adore pecan pie and I'm pretty sure cocaine is fun but neither one is good for me.

I enacted a lifestyle change 2 years ago that I'll be sticking with for the rest of my life. My poison of choice is alcohol which, I'm proud to say, I have cut back quite a bit and only drink in moderation. The rest of that stuff is gone out of my life. I love the foods I eat and can eat up to 3000 calories a day and not gain weight. It's a perfect lifestyle for me.

So how do I handle the holidays? You nom all you want at the dessert table; get seconds, if you like. Pass me the turkey!

*Yes, yes, I know, everyone has the anecdotal relative who drank, smoked, and ate a loaf of white bread a day and lived to be 90 and felt like a teenager. Genetics and lifestyle do play a role. But I don't know how well my genetics are going to protect me and I've spent half a lifetime abusing my body with sugar and grains, so I'm gonna err on the side of caution, LOL.

Double rant, and it's a doozy! Lotsa CAPS

2009-11-23T12:56:00.000-05:00

So, I need to be writing on NaNoWriMo, I'm behind on my word count, I just spent the morning over at my childrens's school to be with Bitty whilst they gave the H1N1 (she did swimmingly), but I just HAD to share these two articles with you.

First this article on the mind boggling number of hours the average american kid spends in front of the television.

They (finally) thought to look at the amount of telly viewed at daycares and were stunned (!!) to find that *gasp* daycares sit the wee tykes down in front of the telly up to a whopping 2 hours a day. Home daycares were the worst with kids watching telly an average of 2.5 hours a day.

Am I the only one who is not shocked by this? It's just too easy. I know many many moms who say "Oh I just put them in front of it so I can grab a shower" or "So I can fix dinner" or my favourite: "I have it on a lot but he/she never watches it. It's just for background noise."

Oh, horseshit.

You know damn good and well that those kids are in front of that idiot box for hours a day and mom is either in denial or just doesn't grasp the actual numbers. Most folks run their telly most of the time that they are home. Wee Eva Raven or Braighdyn is actually raptly quiet when they watch the boob tube, aren't they? Giving you a break from the mommy mommy MOMMY lookit me play with me entetain ME that you put up with all day because you never taught your child to entertain his or herself.

I cannot ABIDE women who say "well it's the only way I can get a shower or cook dinner". Well, whose fault is that? (That's right up there with "well he'll only eat goldfish crackers and kraft mac n cheese so that's all I serve!") Then they proceed to tell me how they have an 12 month old and a 3 year old and no one knows what it's like, weep, weep.

Get over yourself, Emo Mom. YOU made this bed and YOU get to lie in it. I HAVE had an 12 month old and a 3 year old. Except I also had a 2 year old and was pregnant at the time. I have had every permutation of closely spaced small babies that's possible (I think) and yet I still bathed when I wanted and cooked three meals a day, unmolested.

And we have NEVER watched television in our home.

Conclusion: I don't give a flying fark at the moon if you let your kid watch telly 5 hours a day. Serisoulsy, that's your choice. But ADMIT IT. Don't try to tell me that they only watch a few minutes a day. That's just a lie. Or that you only do it to entertain them for a second while you catch up on household chores. It takes me a good hour to prepare supper and I'd no more let my kids watch a hour of commercial television than I'd let them spend time with a smoker.

----

Gem of an article number two: Doctor may get license revoked for telling patient the truth.

Yep, apparently, doctors are now obliged to LIE to be politically correct. We wouldn't want to hurt anyone's wee feelings now would we?

Dr. Earl Sunderhaus (an eye doctor) "admitted he told the patient that her thick thighs and diabetes could cause her to go blind."

So poor baby patient is fat, diabetic, on welfare, and pregnant (all things that she has control over, all things she can/could have change(d)/prevented.) but no one is allowed to TELL her that?

Oh suck it up you blubbering Very Bad Word! Her diabetes and obesity are her own doing and they can indeed cause her to go blind. I think it was awfully nice of the doctor to TELL her that. Seems like sound medical advice to me.

Obesity is hazardous to your health and it's preventable, people! Type 2 diabetes (with it's blindness, poor circulation, heart disease, etc) is preventable. If you feel bad about yourself because you are overweight then, LOSE WEIGHT. Don't expect the world to pussyfoot around you, being careful not to damage your fragile ego for something you did to yourself.

Should we not tell smokers to quit smoking because they already feel so bad about their nicotine stained fingers, smelly hair and clothes, ashtray breath, and yellow teeth, poor dears?

How far downhill have we come as a people that mollycoddling to the point of endangering our health is preferable to the TRUTH from a doctor? WTF?!

NaNoWriMo day 11

2009-11-11T05:42:00.000-05:00

"NaNoWriMo ate my soul!"

There's a forum post over at the National Novel Writing Month website with that title. How appropriate.

Over here at the Evil Genius secret hidden lair, it's been 11 days of crazy.

It's not just NaNoWriMo of course. Our lives are hectic as it is and for us to decide to take on writing a bloody novel in a month - EACH - was crazyness.

I just caught up with my daily word count quota on day 8 and Bodog hasn't quite caught up yet. He's a pretty competative guy, but he's nowhere near my Type A, snarling, OCD, self. My anxiety level was sky high those first 8 days and nothing else got done: no laundry, no cleaning (Oh except when I obsessively cleaned the entire kitchen at 4 a.m. because I had writers block.), no work, nothing.

So, yeah, now that I've caught up, I'm better. I promise I am.

Now I'm trying to ease back into doing all those things, plus spend a wee bit of time with my husband and my children!

It's not NaNoWriMo, of course. It could be a broken car or a hole in the fence. It's just a grain of sand in the cogs of our lives. Trying to cope with another obligation in already busy lives.

"So why are you doing it, Blue? You don't win a prize for completing 50,000 words by November 30th, you're not making any money. Why put yourself through the stress?"

Two reasons:

The sense of accomplishment. The ability to say: "I did this", to say "I CAN write a novel."
My lifelong dream has been to be a writer. A large number of WriMos go into this with no intention of ever rewriting and polishing, finding an agent, and submitting their novel for publication. They are doing it for the experience or just for fun or just for practice. Many more intend to publish but will never go through all the hard steps it takes to do so.

Not me. I fully intend to try to publish a book one day. Perhaps not this book (or the next 3 I write) but A book. Now I will know that I can write that book.

Right. Back to the insanity. I actually got some work work done yesterday (ok, about 10 minutes worth, but still), made my daily word goal by noon and wrote a bit more. yay, me!

Now if a plot would just appear, I'd be set ...

Warning: long post, last one for a bit!

2009-11-05T08:38:00.000-05:00

Sorry, but this is gonna be a long one and may be one of my few posts in the whole month of November. No rants are included today, though! :D

Not only am I behind in my posting of Gratuitus Baby Pics, but I also have taken the plunge this year and am participating in NaNoWriMo!

Yep, I have officially lost my mind! I have wanted to do NaNoWriMo every year since it's inception and I've always talked myself out of it. No time, no talent, no story; I'll quit, I'll fail, I'll fold; it'll suck, it'll never get published; and on and on. I had every excuse in the book.

Well, not this year.

This year we'll see if a self-employed, work-at-home, mother of 5 under age 8, who farms livestock, can write a 50,000 novel in 30 days.

Plus both Bodog AND Boy are on board, writing their own novels. If my 7-year-old can do it*, then I bloody well can.

Uh ... right?

My user name is MrsEvil Genius if you want to ~~deride my pathetic word count~~ cheer me on! Bodog is there as BodogSivana if you'd like to track him as well.

-----

OK, on to the pics!

South Carolina State Fair 2009:

First year that Fiver (left) got to ride unaccompanied by an adult. He and Bulk, of course, just HAD to go on the cars.

Just prior to the obligatory sit-down-and-gorge-on-fair-food portion. (L-R) Bodog and Bitty Girl make weird faces and THCTD just looks lovely. Foreground is Bulk, Boy, and Fiver.

Fiver, Boy, and Bulk awaiting corn dogs, Fiske fries, and $5-apiece diet Pepsi (*gag*).

Most popular ride this year! L-R Bulk, Boy, THCTD, and Bitty.

Bonus pic, Halloween 2009! Unfortunately, since we drive somewhere to trick or treat (this year it was Dr. SIL's neighbourhood), we have to finish donning costumes after we arrive and by then it's usually dark, so I snapped this pic before we left. The batteries died in my camera after this (of course!) but Bodog's sister took some. I'll post those when I get 'em.

They were (after costume completion) L-R, a devil, a ghost, a witch, a skeleton, and a wee pig.

OK, that's it. No more posts from me, maybe, until December. Take care, all of you, and please think some literary thoughts in my direction!

* Boy is signed up with the Young Writers thingy over at NaNoWriMo. His goal is 3000 words by Nov 30th which is the midway point of the suggested word count for a 2nd grader. I think he finished 800+ words yesterday (day 4).

I'm ready for the floor show.

2009-10-14T09:02:00.001-04:00

I'm having a crap-assed day.

My back hurts.

I haven't slept hardly at all in 3 days.

My Bulk has swine flu, feels like crap, and now Fiver is sick.

But THIS made me smile:

see more Lol Celebs

Thanks LOLs. :)

A rant in which far too many quotation marks appear.

2009-10-13T14:24:00.000-04:00

I came accross two interesting articles this morning on one of my fave pet subjects: childhood obesity and how to stop it before we raise a generation of people so fat and sick that they don't outlive their parents.

The first one was about targeting daycares to battle childhood obesity by regulating the foods they serve.

I had never thought about daycares since mine have never been in anyone elses care. Turns out that few states regulate what daycares serve to the kids. My own brief experience working at one recalls memories of cheap sugary soda, generic cookies, popcorn, and other absolute crap so it was an interesting, sobering read.

My only probelm with the article was this line: ""Everybody is always pointing fingers at us parents saying, 'You should do better.' A lot of other people are feeding our kids," "

Well, y'know, whose fault is that? If you absolutely must put your kid in daycare, then it's up to you to ask what they'll be eating. Also, how you fed your child from birth and at home has molded her taste. If you are one of those "she'll only eat chicken nuggets and mac and cheese so that's what I feed her" people, then you made that bed for yourself.

Sorry, but that irritates the CRAP out of me. I have an insanely picky 7 year old, but y' know what? He gets exactly what the rest of the family gets. Some nights he will, quite literally, eat nothing at all save for the one bite I require that everyone take from everything on his or her plate.

But I know he will not starve himself. No child will.

Going without a meal or even two won't harm any normal healthy child one bit. There're kids in this world, right here in America, too, who eat once a day or less. A well fed, normal, white, middle-class, child missing a couple of meals of his own free will is NOTHING.

The whiners need to buck up and acknowledge that THEY are creating the monster who will only eat 3 foods, not the languishing victims of an unfortunate twist of parental fate.

ANYway ... The second article this morning made me want to tear my hair out for a similar reason; the parent-as-victim attitude. The gist? I quote: ""Parents might be contributing to the overweight epidemic," "

No, really?! YA THINK?!

This stunner was delivered by Dr. Elsie Taveras, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Pilgrim Health Care and Harvard Medical School. She went on to say that parents "do this unwittingly".

I believe that some do.

After all we have a broken government health recommendation that says that in order to be fit one should cut out healthy fat and meat - what we evolved over 2 million years to eat - and instead load up on sugars in the form of grains.

We have a common belief that chronic cardio will "burn calories" so we eat like pigs then go run, bike, treadmill, spin, etc ad nauseum to punish ourselves and "work it off".

We also have a society that has taught us that we should get dessert and sweet treats all day, every day (60 years ago, we would get something sweet - a slice of pie, for example - once a WEEK. Now we nom sugar on our breakfast cereal and in our coffee, eat candies cakes and cookies at work, have dessert at the restaurant after supper, and end the night with a 'comforting' bowl of ice cream. All because we "deserve it" and would feel "deprived" if we didn't.)

(and so many of us wonder why we're overweight!)

But here was the kicker, the phrase that made me want to tear my hair: "the point is not to make parents feel guilty about contributing to their children's weight problems" .

Uhh ... why not? Is guilt for doing something wrong not an appropriate reaction? If I scream at my kids for something they didn't do I am immediately contrite and apologise. Furthermore, I try very hard to correct myself so that I don't do it again.

If something I was doing made my children ill, I would never forgive myself. If Dr. Clemson, our pediatritcian, told me I was making my kids unhealthy by doing something, I would immediately 1) feel guilty and 2) stop farkin' doing it.

Parents bear almost all of the responsibility for obesity in young children (Older kids who have their own money and are mobile are a whole 'nother story.) Parents hold the key IMHO to ending this epidemic, but they must be blamed. They must be made aware of what they are doing, not sheltered from the truth. This is not about saving anybody's feelings. These are adults. They'll just have to cope. This is their kid's health we're talking about. We must point the finger (and help, of course).

But the sad truth is that most of these parents are unhealthy themselves, walking carboholic heart attacks waiting to happen. Their "comfort foods" mean more to them than their health. They're feeding their babies what they eat: over processed, chemical laden, sugar, carb, and high fructose corn syrup filled CRAP, frozen food, and fast food, and not moving out in front of the television any more than it takes to wee and get another soda.

Illness at the secret hidden lab

2009-10-13T07:40:00.000-04:00

Forgive me if I'm posting even less than usual, my 4 year old middle boy, Bulk, has a very very bad case of croup and was diagnosed yesterday with swine flu.

We're hanging on over here on pins and needles. Will keep you updated.

Hit and run

2009-10-04T06:36:00.000-04:00

So I decided I'd better post about my goat fiasco last night as some of you ~~fortunate~~ people have not-so-many farm animal encounters in your experience and livestock / human collisions might seem a bit ...odd.

It's not so unusual, actually. All livestock has a flight instinct and throw them in a confined area with a puny human; with no hooves, horns, claws, or effective teeth, and it can be a melee.

Last night we had a goat out who was too stupid to figure out how to get back in and it was getting dark. Bodog and I had run her into a smallish area hoping that she would see the huge gaping hole in the fence and mearly go through. Nope, not Jean. She's a half-grown Sannen dairy goat cross kid with a brain the size of a field pea.

Well, after we all ran about a bit; Jean getting more and more hysterical, us getting crosser and crosser, and Jean's daft mom, Jo, screaming like an air-raid siren on the other side of the fence, I decided to just grab her.

Bad idea, in retrospect.

Number one, I couldn't move fast or crouch down because my bad knee gave out last week and I fell on the steps. Said knee is currently stiff, swollen, sore as a bastard, and a lovely rainbow of colours.

So, Jean crashed past me, into the barrier fence (was dark by then), turned, and ricocheted off the wire right at me. I spread out like a hocky goalie (wish I'd had all the padding), intending to catch her in mid leap. Her intention, I think, was to go over my left shoulder. She wasn't nearly high enough, though, and at the last moment she tucked her chin and the top of her head hit me squarely in my left pectoral between my arm joint and my boob. Her horns hit my collarbone and jaw.

Jean weighs 45lbs and was going like a freight train so, far from catching her, I was knocked backwards, winded, and almost fell on me arse whilst she galloped off.

Not one of my more wise or graceful moments.

So now I'm sat here, painfully cradling my left arm (which is pretty much useless), and trying not to move much.

And Jean? She's sleeping in the woods, the little brat. I can only assume that being separated from her mum by one fence won't kill her (she's long since weaned). She probably sussed out how to get through the hole as soon as we left!

Writing, bread, and t-shirts? Yeah ... those go together.

2009-09-22T11:49:00.000-04:00

Craptastic! I had half of a post written and it dissappeared! *sob!*

Oh, well. I'm sure I can rewrite it. I'm an aspiring writer after all (been wanting to participate in NaNoWriMo for YEARS but haven't had the time/dedication/talent/guts/insert-lame-arse-excuse-here. Now some of my mates are goading me to do it this year *waves at Rebecca and Barb* and I'm trying to firm my resolve.)

(which totally sounds like a naughty euphemism.)

(Heh. Heheheheh.)

So, where was I? Oh, the post. Here we go:

Bread!

"Wait, what?!" you ask, aghast, "Ms bread-is-the-toejam-of-the-devil is going to blog about bread?!"

Yup. I am.

See, whilst *I* am Paleo and eschew all grains (except for, erm, bourbon), my family is mearly low carb. So I do buy bread, and being The Thrifty Mom, I buy in bulk when I find a good price (I also have a few resources for free bread).

Of course the really tightwad thing would be to get rid of bread entirely. I have saved oodles of dough (heh, get it? dough? OK, ok, sorry) by simply weaning my family as much as possible off of all sugars: bread, pasta, table sugar, high fructose corn syrup, etc. (Table sugar, carbohydrates, fructose, and high fructose corn syrup (of which 99% of commercial bread is FULL), are all the same poison. They fark with your blood sugar, make you fat, cause hideous inflammation which opens the door for diabetes, and heart disease - just to name two.)

But if you must buy bread, *big theatrical sigh* here are some tips on doing it frugally, LOL. ;)

First of all, I only buy 100% whole wheat bread. I never could abide that nasty, sticky, white crap bread, even when I was a kid. So I have no idea how well or poorly it stores, sorry. I've only ever tried this with whole grain breads.

Second of all, of course, keep your eyes peeled for deals. Many stores will put their store brand on sale during the big eating holidays (which in America is EVERY freakin' holiday. Off work? 3 day week-end? Let's invite some friends and family over and inflame their arteries and jack their blood sugar up by serving huge troughs of Carbo Death Bombs, yeah! But make sure that ground beef is xtra lean! Don't wanna get fat!)

When my sources of free bread run dry, I seek out the Aldi. If you have one, they rawk for bread prices. Nothing here beats them (by over 20c per loaf). Don't bother with Sam's Club, BTW. Their bread prices (like all of their fresh food and meat) is, in my experience, MORE per lb/package than the WalMart next door.

Day old bread stores or bakery thrift stores are also pretty good but, alas, fewer than way back in the way back time. :(

Like with milk, grab loaves from the very back of the display (look for the change in twist-tie colours) as the shelves are 'fronted' by the bread blokes and the older ones brought forward.

Anyway, when you have scored your largesse of bread (I buy 6-9 loaves at a time), as soon as you get home, make sure all of the excess air is out of the bag (don't squish your bread!) and be sure the twist tie is nice and tight. Then get out all of your old bread bags (What? You don't save all your old bread bags and plastic containers?! Start doing it now! Those things come in really handy. Remember, if you go out and buy 2 gallon ZipLok bags to put your bread in, you have just defeated the Thrifty purpose.)

Anyway, take each loaf, drop it twisty side down into another bread bag, press out the air, and twist-tie it up tight - I double the excess over and twist the ends of the tie over it a second time - and stack in the freezer.

If you don't have a chest freezer, get one. Go right now to Craigslist and Freecycle and just ask nicely if anyone has one they're not using and/or scour around for great deals / freebies. Tell all your friends and family about how much you need one and ask them to let you know if they hear of anything. Stress your abject poverty. Don't be proud. Be up front that you don't have much dosh to spend.

I have a huge chest freezer, a refrigerator, a washer, and a dryer, ALL for free from different folks who were aware of my need. Again, don't be proud. No shame in needing to save some bucks! (The "I really need a fill-in-the-blank! Mine has gone tits-up. If you hear of anyone ..." thing works for lawn mowers and used cars, too!)

When you need the bread, just take the whole loaf out of the freezer and toss it onto the table as-is (both bags on). In a few hours it will be thawed and ready to eat! If you need a few slices in an emergency, just carefully unstick them from the loaf and lay them out. They'll thaw in a few minutes.

I've kept loaves for 6 weeks with no discernable changes. If you leave them too long, they get slightly hard - usually along one side - but are still fine for things like French toast, grilled cheese, egg-in-the-basket, etc, or anything requiring them toasted. Air is the guilty party, not freezing, for this hardening, so wrap 'em up tight!

Well, I hope this helps some of you save some money! If you have any thrifty bread tips, whether buying or storing, please share them in the comments.

PS: I am totally going to make a t-shirt that says "Bread is the toejam of the devil"! ROTFLMAO!

Homework, artwork; when is it THEIR work?

2009-09-19T08:09:00.001-04:00

So, Bodog and I have a slight difference of opinion when it comes to our kids' homework.

First of all, we do agree that all homework should be done at the dining room table and that we need to sit down immediately after school and do it.

Structure and routine are our watchwords, as you know, so everyone changes into play clothes and we chat about their day. I do a pot of tea and we have some noms - a small mid-afternoon meal any British will recognise as "tea" - but we go ahead and knock out all the homework while the 'school' mode is still on.

So far, so good.

The rot sets in after the homework is done, you see.

Bodog, Mr public school teacher, corrects the homework.

This drives me mad!

See, I help my children, when asked, (but never give answers), and I encourage my kids to look over their work and double check for mistakes, but I do NOT correct work. I will go so far as to look over the work and if I see a fair number of mistakes, suggest they take another peek, but that's it.

Bodog feels that correcting work gives him a chance to teach the child the correct way of doing something. Fair, enough; makes sense.

I feel that it's the child's teacher's job to teach him. I want to give her the opportunity to teach my child. In addition, I think it's wrong to send nearly perfect work back every time. This might lead the teacher to think that my child is not making mistakes and so doesn't need to be taught (fill in the blank whatever).

Does that make sense?

Also, I have a thing about my children's work being their work. I want my kids to own their own efforts, y'know? I gently guide and instruct all day every day. With homework, I also help (when asked), make suggestions, point out things the may have missed, ask questions to nudge them into finding out the answers on their own - in a way, 'teaching' on the fly - but I want them to learn that their work is THEIR work and that they are wholly responsible for it, good or bad.

Take artwork. Would you 'correct' artwork? I'm the artistic parent but I would never alter my child's artwork or even suggest that they change it. As a matter of fact, I recently read on someone's blog about a mom who, deciding her child had drawn something inappropriate for school, had actually changed her child's artwork herself.

I was gobsmacked. I would never never do that! What my kid creates is his and I have no right to touch it. If I thought something was so offensive, I'd simply explain that to my child and give him a clean piece of paper to start over.

This brings up horrible memories of the whole "building gingerbread houses" fiasco in Boy's class where many of the mommies were actively building the gingerbread houses for their child or altering what their kid had done.

What do you think? How do you handle your child's homework? If you are a teacher or former teacher, do you feel differently about it?

Is artwork different from homework? Have you ever altered your own child's artwork? If you are an artist do you feel that it was justified because you were 'teaching' your child something?

Let me know in the comments!

PS: when you get done commenting please take our Homework Style poll over at Thrifty Mom Dot Com home! :)

Rock On, Sergeant Major Teresa King!

2009-09-19T05:58:00.000-04:00

First female to command the US army drill sergeant school (at Fort Jackson in Columbia SC, my home town.)

You GO grrl!

Warning: construction!

2009-09-17T08:36:00.000-04:00

I've had a revelation.

An awakening of sorts about my life and my job. How cool is that?

So, to be brief, in the intrest of further trimming down and cutting back, I will be combining three of my blogs; this one, the dieting blog, and my farm blog.

Truth is that I just don't have time to update all of them and rather than leaving the two to languish (the farm blog hasn't been touched in ages) and fretting about it, I'm going to just post all the stuff over here.
After all, my life is interwoven with elements of the farming / gardening / repair, the dieting / health / fitness, and, of course the snarky parenting.

None of these things is my whole life (by itself) and none of these things is my job, so they don't really need separate blogs, do they? They're all me. All who I am.

This way I'll be able to not worry about which blog my post belongs one and just farkin' post. :)

I just ask you guys to be patient with me if I go off on a ramble about the livestock sale or an angry rant about some stupid diet article, OK? I promise to mix it up.

Working on changing the look a bit, also, so don't be startled. *grin* Y'all know I have to tart stuffs up.

Oh, and the posts from the other blogs will suddenly appear over here (the past posts), so don't let that throw you!

Ta for being patient!

Cuckoo

2009-09-13T07:18:00.000-04:00

I was just reading a news story about a woman who took home the wrong baby and got to thinking that this must be a common maternal ~~nightmare~~ fear. Luckily, the error was corrected within an hour and this lady and her bub were reunited quickly.

But, fess up, y'all all had the same fear didn't you? That you'd take the wrong baby home.

But MY concern was always that they had switched mine at birth not that the one I took home was wrong. I mean, by day two, when the drugs wore off, I could recognise my own baby. When each of them first nursed I memorised their faces.

Is that just me? Is it a breastfeeding thing? Was it just because I'm an artist and am very visually oriented? Or am I speaking from over-confidence, and in actuality, couldn't have told for sure which baby was mine?*

At any rate, I'm fascinated that this might be a nearly universal misgiving in mothers. I wish I had the time and means to do a study.

Everyone tells me that my children all look alike. I find them entirely dissimilar ... as if they had all come from different families. Heck, I don't think they even look like me and Bodog!

I'm not suggesting, of course, that my kids aren't my kids, I can just see, now, how these sorts of thoughts could creep into any person's head. Up till now I just figured it was my own paranoia, LOL!

The response must have a bioligical origin, it must be an instinct to be sure that we were nurturing our OWN genetic carriers. Since our particular branch of the primate tree has lost the ability to identify our newborns by smell - as our dog would her puppies, or my sheep their lambs - we must do so only by sight; and a random, blonde, caucasian, newborn human, squashy and screaming, looks pretty much like another.

It's not hard to see how the mix-ups of yesteryear (when it did happen every now and then), where the wrong child was actually raised by another family, could happen. We are at the mercy of our own instincts and visual memories and the hospital staff and proceedures!

So, come on, give over. Have you ever looked at your child and had the fleeting, serious, doubt that she was really yours? Were you anxious in the hospital that you had the right baby? Or were you one of those lucky ones whose mom had flaming red curly hair and whose baby daughter popped out her spitting image, hair and all? Leave your story in the comments!

Identical enthusiasm for consuming sugary Icees! That proves it! ... yeah, they're Bodog's spawn.

*of course since my smallest babies weighed in at 9lbs and 9lbs 1oz (Bitty Girl and THCTD) and my largest at 10lbs 8oz (Boy) and the other two (Bulk and Fiver) at just under 10lbs, I could always identify mine by size alone. *rolls eyes* "No, no, he's that BIG wriggly grub at the back! Yep, that's mine! Pass him over here, wouldja?"

Today on the "Diet DUH" report:

2009-09-05T08:03:00.001-04:00

"Doctor's efforts to fight childhood obesity not working."

YA THINK?

Duh-huh, people. No shit, Sherlock.

"FRIDAY, Sept. 4 (HealthDay News) -- Researchers are recommending that officials in the United States, United Kingdom and Australia rethink their efforts to combat obesity in children because the current strategies -- emphasizing healthy diets and exercise -- aren't working.

In a study released online Sept. 4 in BMJ, Australian researchers followed more than 250 overweight and mildly obese Australian children who visited their general practitioners between 2005 and 2006. A total of 139 were given counseling over three months about changing their eating habits and increasing exercise; the other 119 did not get such counseling.

Parents said the kids who received counseling drank fewer soft drinks, but they didn't eat more fruit or vegetables or less fat, and they didn't lose significant amounts of weight.

The researchers reported that brief, physician-led intervention produced no long-term improvement in body mass index, physical activity or nutrition habits.

The counseling isn't harmful, the study authors noted, but it doesn't seem to work and is expensive.

"Resources may be better divided between primary prevention at the community and population levels, and enhancement of clinical treatment options for children with established obesity," the researchers concluded."

Number one, O great medical / dietary community, and for the thousandth time, DIETARY FAT ISNT THE PROBLEM. So thank goodness they didn't eat less fat.

Number two, (and here's the 'duh' bit) YOU'RE TALKING TO THE WRONG PEOPLE, PEOPLE!

(Sorry to shout, but this is just so stupid.)

Let me go ahead and say this, for the record. It's the cure for childhood obesity. Srsly. What a revelation and I'm sharing it with you, the medical community! I'll even type ... really ... slowly ... so ... you .... can ... get ...it.

Ready?

Blue's Cure For The Childhood Obesity Epidemic:

>> PARENTING <<

Yup. That's it. That's all.

Don't speak to the kids. What kid listens to anything a random grown up has to say anyway? Don't expect the community to do something miraculous and cure obesity. Certainly don't look to the government!

No. Obesity begins at home.

Starting with what Mommy stuffs in her face whilst pregnant (Krispy Kreme anyone?), to what she offers baby the day he's born (breast milk which is naturally packed with nutrients and fats [milkfat] and very low in sugars [lactose]? Or formula which is loaded with soy, grains, and sugar [corn syrup]?

Parents decide whether they will feed their babies vegetables first or just start with the sweet fruits ("because she loves them and eats so well when we feed her peaches 3 times a day!" They decide whether to only put milk or water in the bottle or just say "Forget it! He's crying and the juice always settles him down!"

Parents decide whether to make turkey and cheese sandwiches on whole wheat with carrot sticks or whether to just toss a Lunchable and a sports drink in their kid's book bag, or worse, just let them eat the swill that the school serves (hey ~~high fructose corn syrup sauce~~ katsup is a vegetable, right?)

Wake up, world. Snap out of it, medical community. Open your eyes, dieticians.

Parenting can END childhood obesity.

We just have to tell parents the truth. Let them know what sort of crap they're feeding their kids. Educate the public on the dangers of soy and seed oils and HFCS. Help them fight the food industry and the government nutrition standards and demand good food in the stores.

What do you think? Is that all it takes? Just parents stepping up? What are your suggestions for ending / fighting childhood obesity? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

This week sucked, can I get a new one, plz?

2009-09-05T06:15:00.001-04:00

Wow. What a super bad week I had! Bodog was ill, my kid's school enacted some super stupid policy changes, Google decided that I can no longer submit product feeds, and the folks who do some of my t-shirts shat out another nugget of idiocy to keep us both from making money. w00t!

And yesterday was the sucktacular epitome of a craptastic week! It was! Bodog, 1) insisted that he was fine to go to work, then, 2) insisted he was fine to go get comics (in Columbia SC), THEN, 3) had a low blood sugar episode in an entirely different city*. So I got to have a semi-hysterical convo with EMTs on my cell whilst struggling to finish cooking my children's supper all the while wondering if I was going to have to drive us all 1/4 way accross the state in the middle of the night to retrieve him.

Next week's gonna be super much better, yeah?

Yeah. Has to be.

So did anything good happen, Blue? You promised to drop the all-venting format, here, remember?

Oh, yeah. Hrm.

Well, my tractor's still running (though my truck is not). I chugged around on it the other day (the tractor. I didn't just sit in my truck making chugging noises, lol). Terribly cathartic, that. You just can't be in a hurry on a tractor. You are forced to take it easy and enjoy the scenery.

I got some hay (delivered) thanks to the fabulous new people I'm getting hay from. (I hope we're friends forever and ever *smooches*!) and, I must say, having several huge bales of hay surrounded by happy, quiet, cudding, sheep (the goats are never happy OR quiet) really really reduces my stress levels.

I got a cool design done yesterday and got an idea for another one. I'll share both when I get 'em up.

OK, that's three, is that cool? :) Now here's the v. best things from this past week:

Yup, my two baby boys, Bulk and Fiver! Bulk (left) didn't get in to 4K so I have these two wicked wee villains-in-training all day with me. Here they are in their steampunk goggles ready for Evil Genius training:

Cool! I'll confess to being sort of glad that my Bulk didn't get into school. I'm dreading the day that Fiver goes in. I don't know what I'll do with m'self.

Right. That's it for today. Hopefully your week went better than mine and ALL our coming weeks will be fabulous!

*When bodog's blood sugar drops it impedes his brain function, including memory. If he's alone and driving he'll often forget where he is and where he's going and simply drive until he feels so bad he has to pull over. Last night he ended up in a whole 'nother city.

Wherin Blue makes up her mind

2009-09-04T13:05:00.001-04:00

Ok, so I'm having a bad day / week / life.

I'm still reeling from the recent changes to my income stream (that'd be changes of the much, much LESS income variety), which launched me into a desparate scramble all summer to try to re-group.

Well Summer is a time of rest and relaxation and free time, right? Erm, I guess for other people it is.

Anyway, to cut out the whinging, the short story is that I was just as busy all summer; raising 5 kids; washing clothes, dishes, faces; wrangling with farm problems; enacting whatever repairs I could around house (can you say TWO toilet problems?); dealing with broken appliances (oven), broken equipment (tractor, lawn mower, weed eater, chain saw ... shall I go on?), and broken house (roof) and scrounging for the money to pay for it all.

Then came mid August and the school paper work, school meetings/orientations, school FEES, school supplies ($$$)...

Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda.

So I've spent the last several months in a guy-wire taut state of (dis?)stress, incredibly busy, and all the while trying to play catch-up with, and apply bandaids to, my business. It seemed like that every time I got started on a solution, another change or obstacle would come up and I'd get farther behind.

What I desparately need is time. A time machine would be lovely, really. Doesn't even have to look like a Tardis or anything - although that'd be awesome.

But nobody has a time machine and I realised that I needed to shake it off, buck up, and get working.

To that end, I decided to cull some of my blogs, combining ones that could be, dropping others. If I've very little time to blog then fewer blogs means more chances of more of them actually getting a post. And we all know that search engines love fresh content.

Then I got to thinking about my blogs and blogging and how many of them (this one in particular) had degenerated into occasional forums for my venting. Whilst I always reserve the right to vent on my blogs, that's pretty effing boring to read all the time. I mean, really. I'm looking a right bitch and I'm really NOT. srsly.

My blogs used to be about me, my family, my life, all augmented by my thrifty thoughts and parenting opinions (in the case of this one) or healthy lifestyle and fitness tips (my diet blog) etc, etc. What happened to that?

I think I know.

The problem is the new idea that everyone has to get rich overnight with social media. Seems like every mommmy blogger, every fitness blogger, every whatever-your-niche blogger is out to write as much STUFF, and sell as much STUFF, and get as many comments, and as much traffic as possible. Then they all get on Twitter and retweet their blog URL obnoxiously a half a dozen times and greedily look for more followers.

Everybody is obsessed with making money. Everybody does interviews and goes to conventions and makes You Tube vids and podcasts and writes mediocre books ... and nobody is actually talking to each other.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am intensely interested in making money as well. My kids eat a LOT of expensive whole foods. My drafty old house runs power/gas bills into the $300-$400 range. Heck, I desparately need a blow torch - an Evil Genius without a blowtorch? Pathetic! And I AM in business for myself. On teh internetz.

But that's not why I started blogging. And that's not how I enjoy blogging. And that's not how I want to be known, damnit.

I've no problem with dropping the ocasional link in if it has to do with what I'm blogging about, or even if I'm particularly proud of a new design. But my blogs will always be primarily for me to chat, cry, vent, or try to make you laugh. Even my one blog that will be devoted to my business, my art, and my t-shirts will be full of ME and my foibles. I'll resume posting pics of my kids and stories about me and my life and my ~~tinfoil hat~~ opinions.

I'm gonna post pics of partially nekkid blokes, lolcats (they'll be naked too); and sometimes write about things that might be controversial. I'll also keep throwing out the random link or t-shirt (or etsy stuffs if I can ever get started!) But most of all I want to talk to YOU. I wanna hear about what you think about what I think. I want you to agree or disagree, and say so. I might learn something.

If you wanny buy a funny t-shirt from me, thank you in advance; if you just want to read some crazy stressed-out chick's weird opinions and weirder life, then that's fine, too.

Cool?

Morning Rant: Sunday coupons and crap overload

2009-08-30T12:49:00.001-04:00

Right. Quickie this a.m. (I have 6 minutes before I have to make breakfast for the Evil Geniuslets, lol)

I just HAD to share this with you:

Like all good thrifty / frugal people I clip coupons. Honestly though, I don't get too many and here's why: store brands are just as good 99% of the time and are streets cheaper than name brand.

BUT, we do still have a v. few name brands that we cling to. Bodog, hanging grimly on to his upper-middle-class suburban upbringing, where they buy ONLY name brands, still insists on certain ones. Even I share one or two. Caffeine Free Diet Coke is one. Bodog and I have never found any store brand that can exactly match the taste.

So I carefully go though all of the inserts in the Sunday paper with my eyes peeled for usable coups (and price matches since I shop at WalMart where they'll match any competator's price, yeah!)

Well, every Sunday I have the same brain explosion and vow to blog about it, and this is the Sunday I actually do it! Here's the crap I find every week-end in the sales papers:

Death-By-Carbohydrate foods; sugar laden cereals ("Now provides fiber!" like that's gonna cancel out the astronomical sugar/carb content and chemicals and dyes.); "diet" FrankenFoods; hydrogenated vegetable oils masqerading as food ("Fresh buttery taste!" Why not just eat butter, you imbeciles?); and adverts for restaurants that make you store glucose by just reading them ("Never ending pasta bowl"?! Let's waddle on over! Just stick a knife in your heart right now! It'll save the years on double hand-fulls of meds and a motorised chair cuz you're so fat and sick you can't walk! "Includes unlimited breadsticks!" Ugh! )

Also featured are loads of "comfort foods" (I HATE that term. Food does not comfort me. I don't require food to give me pleasure or make me feel happy or safe. I require food to sustain me. My loved ones comfort me; my home, my animals, my books, etc, etc. Food? Nope. It's just freakin' food, people. I enjoy the heck out of it, but I don't have an emotional attachment to it. Sorry!)

ANYway ... cookie dough, brownie mix, icing, microwave chocolate flavoured crap, ice cream, and on and on. It makes me slightly queasy to look at all of it.

But the worst is the dog food. By a long shot. Teensy individual portion servings for teensy overindulged dogs and all designed to look like human food. As a matter of fact, the dog food FrankenCrap looks better than the frozen human food FrankenCrap ... and you know what? They both have the same ingredients.

Now, we know that we have existed in approximately our current form for about 2 million years. So have dogs via wolves. What did we eat? Meat, eggs, fruit, veg, seeds, nuts, and insects. What did wolves eat? Meat. Period. I'm sure they wouldn't turn down a found broken egg or a juicy injured insect, but otherwise: meat.

So why the bloody blue hell is there a dogfood* with "delicious ingredients like orzo, baby spinach, and tomatoes"?!

Because there are credulous, besotted dog owners out there who want FiFi to eat what Mummy eats, yes she does! Mummy loves her Feefulls, doesn't she? Yes she does, and wants her to have yummy noms in her tums tums!

Sick yet? I am. And the worst part is, so is FiFi. Increasingly, our beloved pets are suffering from the same high carb/ high sugar induced diseases that we are: obesity, heart disease, diabetes. Did you see how well I did the baby talk? That's because I am the besotted owner of 6 rescued dogs (yes, I said SIX, and 4 cats!) and also want my animals to get the very best. Fortunately I cannot afford to buy gormet dogfood, but unfortunately that means I'm unable to feed my dogs and cats what they were meant to eat: raw meat. I do my best by supplimenting all the fat, grease, eggs, and leftover meat I can, though.

Do you find the Sunday inserts a smorgasboard of obesity and ill-health -inducing crap, or is it just me? Do folks not know how bad this stuff is for them? Do they not care? Do they know they are ruining their animal's health as well? How many absurdly fat dogs and cats have you seen?

GAH!

*This dogfood is Cesar Bistro, BTW. Nothing against this company, they're just catering to people who actually have no idea that the $30/bag premium gormet dry dogfood that they buy is made of corn and soybeans. I have never seen a wolf grazing in a corn field. Ever.

Autism service dogs in public schools

2009-08-22T07:13:00.000-04:00

I just came accross this article about parents battling school districts to allow autism service dogs in schools.

As the parent of an autistic child, I'm fascinated - I had no idea there were autism service dogs.

The article explaines:

"parents say calm their children, ease transitions and even keep the kids from running into traffic."

Another autistic 5-year-old's family:

"credits (the dog) with helping stop the boy from running off and keeping him from eating things like rocks"

Now, I realise that my daughter is "only" PDD-NOS and has never offered to eat a rock or run into traffic and so I have NO idea what it's like to live with a child with moderate to severe autism, but, using my own limited experience with the disorder, I'm having a hard time buying the Autism Service Dog thing.

I'm afraid I'm not grasping HOW, exactly, the dog helps. From the ASDA (Autism Service Dogs of America) website comes this:

"Service dogs provide the child/adult challenged with autism an opportunity to safely access different environments which result in improved communication and social skills. The autism service dog’s presence offers a calming influence and provides a sense of security to the child and the parents. Abstract and concrete thinking advance, focus improves, and the length of attention span increases. Emotional outbursts occur less often. The important role of an autism service dog is affording the individual more independence and autonomy, helping those individuals become a viable part of the community at large"

There is no explaination of how the dog manages to advance my autistic child's thinking, improves her focus, her length of attention span, nor how the dog prevents emotional outbursts. Honestly, the whole paragraph smacks of "fad diet". Y'know: "You'll lose 30 lbs, feel calmer with more energy, your wrinkles will disappear and you'll look 10 years younger and sex will become fantastic!"

There also doesn't seem to be much on the qualifications of the people training these animals. Guide dogs for the blind are meticulously trained and the websites for Guide Dogs for the Blind and Guide Dogs of America (just to grab two at random) boast long lists of veterinarians and licensed guide dog instructors. I've raised and trained dogs my whole adult life and even a well-trained dog is still a pet, subject to being boisterous and disobedient every now and then. Those guide dogs for the blind are focused.

I'm not prepared to totally pooh-pooh the autistic service dog thing, BTW. I just need some proof that this 80lb golden retriever in my child's classroom is actually assisting her classmate - that said classmate would be severely hindered from learning without the animal - not that the dog is simply acting as an overgrown lovey or comfort object.

Many children are terrified of dogs, much less a huge breed like this, and many are severely allergic. What of them? If these dogs are not really helping the autistic child beyond being a comfort object then can we justify having them in the class where Johnny, who was badly bitten as a toddler, cannot even take his eyes off the dog much less concentrate on his schoolwork?

Can a 5-6-7 year old control a 60-80lb dog? Nope. None of the guide-dog-for-the-blind places will let a child under 16 even have a guide dog for that very reason. So, could my daughter, who is a well-grown 5 year old, familiar with dogs, remember to remind her teacher that Goldie had to go out and poo? Could she walk Goldie out, unassited, and get her back in? Does the teacher stop class and accompany her and her service dog outside? Who watches the class? Could my 5 year old clean up after Goldie who had just pooed in the school-yard? Or would that onus fall on the teacher who had just had to stop her lesson and trot outside with my child and her dog?

The entire concept become more and more unworkable as I blog about it.

Should autistics be able to have assistance dogs? YES! Should all disabled folks with assitance dogs be allowed to have their dogs accompany them everywhere, even school? YES?

BUT, mature, well-acclimated and instructed 16 + year olds. NOT children, who shouldn't have to be responsible for large animals on their own. If you think it helps, then GET little Noah an autism service dog, but let it accompany him only when YOU are there to help him handle the dog.

Both your child and his dog are YOUR responsibility, IMHO. It is unfair to ask the teachers, school system, and classmates of Noah to help him deal with his autism service dog. That is the job of Noah's parents.

What do YOU think, Gentle Readers? Do you have any experience with guide dogs? Do you think that assistance dogs could help autistics? How would you feel about a 5 year old in your child's kindergarten class with a large dog?

Interesting note: Both places listed above who provide guide dogs to the blind do so for FREE. No money. ANY parent of a visually disabled 16 y/o and up can get one of these dogs, even the poorest of us. In contrast, an autism service dog from the ASDA will run you (brace yourself) $13,500. Thirteen THOUSAND dollars. Many many parents of autistic kids make about that in a YEAR. *raises hand*

Guess we're out of luck, huh?

Bad Only Girl?

2009-08-09T09:38:00.000-04:00

It has been my observation that the worst behaved children tend to be female only children or only-girl-in-the-family.

Now, before you throw a rod, let me say this is NOT a random bash of little girls or onlies. Many many only girls are well-behaved (I know quite a few) and many larger families boys and girls are terrors. I'm just relating my own observations which began early: I myself am a female only child.

I think the badly behaved girls stem from parenting by a mom who "always wanted a little girl" since they were little girls. They want to dress her up like a doll and be her best, best friend. The bad ones are heavily overindulged and raised as equals, not children. They think very highly of themselves. Like many onlies, they socialise more with adults and so are overly mature in dealing with grown-ups.

Daddy helps, too: Bad Only Girl is his little princess to be doted on and allowed to do just as she pleases and get away with almost everything.

This produces a child who is supremely self-centered and demanding of her own way (they call this "strong willed" now. I still call it "needs me to go pick a switch".)

This child, if she's smart, might very well be a super successful businesswoman / politician / entrepreneur, after all she's used to demanding her own way and getting it.

"Wait a second, Blue," you say, "that doesn't sound so bad! I'd like my daughter to be a powerful woman on Wall Street or president of a University!"

I agree. Me, too. But, Bad Only Girl, is obnoxious no matter where she ends up. She wants everything just so (to her taste), she is Bridezilla, and that pushy, type-A district superviser at your office. She's that forum member or blogger who rips everyone to shreds (she'll call herself "outspoken" and "opinionated" and "honest". The rest of us call her "that damned bitch, I hate her".)

Worst of all she is smugly unapologetic about it.

Every bully I have ever known was a female only or the only girl child. All the overweight girls (and there were v. few back in the way-back time) that I can recall were onlies or only girl children in the family. Of the dozens of moms I know IRL or on line, the small number who cosistantly report behaviour in their own children that sets my teeth on edge - things that are absolutely verboten in my house - ALL of them are raising only girls.*

"So, hang about, Blue," you say, "You said that you were an only girl. Are you describing yourself, here?"

Yep. I am.

I had to, as an adult, UNlearn self-centerdness. I had to teach myself how to think about other people, be nice, have some consideration. Fortunately, it's my belief that we should all be good to each other and that what goes around, comes around. But it took not having any friends and realising that I didn't have the education or the looks to carry the attitude and that being a good person was infinately easier and more satisfying.

So, what's up with all the Bad Only Girls? Am I being unfair and judging these kids harshly? Or am I a Horrible Little Girl Magnet?

Let me share with you what happened at the thrift store yesterday:

It was Bitty and Bulk's turn to go with me and we were looking through the shoes when Mom and Daughter came in. The child, a bit older than mine, perhaps 9, immediately began running down the length of the thrift store, back and forth. She rummaged through the toys, throwing several on the floor (which she left), and calling loudly to her mother ("Momma, Momma, look, look at this, Momma look at this rabbit, mom, MOM!") every few seconds (who never failed to acknowledge her self centered look-at-me drivel).

She came pelting into the shoe room just as Bitty was pointing out shoes to me, and walked right up to us.

Bitty: "These green ones are cute, Momma,"
Me: "Which ones, baby?"
Bad Only Girl (grabbing a random green shoe and shoving it right under my nose): "I think she means these!"
Bitty (frowning): "No. These."
Me (searching vainly for BOG's mother, or, maybe, a switch): "Oh, those are terribly frou-frou, not my style!"
BOG: (*guffaw* sprint from room)

In all the obnoxious little twit shoved me aside once, shove both Bulk and Bitty, and trod on my toe, not once, but twice (and she was overweight, so that wasn't pleasant). She snatched toys from my children, ran about, and kept up the constant mindless pay-attention-to-me chatter with her mother.

Bulk and Bitty were not too disturbed (well Bitty was slightly. Her Autism causes her to dislike loud, boisterous people or situations - too much stimulous - but she copes well). They are used, by now, to the fact that most children are NOT like them. Most children don't speak and walk quietly; they whine and throw fits, run indoors, shout, shove, and fail to say excuse me or please or thank you.

So, since they weren't bugged, I wasn't too bugged, but it did get me thinking and recalling all of the very worst kids I've ever known and how many seemed to be Bad Only Girls. I don't want my girls to be bitches. You can be a strong woman with opinions - and voice them - and still be kind. Sorry, but it's true. You can be polite and sweet and yet steadfast and honest.

I'm trying to teach my baby girls (and my boys, too, of course) that you can't always get what you want (sing it with me, go on). That they are NOT the center of the universe or more deserving or special than everyone else. I think that's what happens with these girls, I think mom makes them the glittering jewel in the center of the family crown.

And why? Did these women always want a sister? A best friend? So they end up making their own and letting her do whatever she wants? Do they want a living baby doll they can dress, shape, mold, and play with? Do they feel guilty because the girl is the only one and so feel they should indulge her every whim and be her playmate and best buddy? Do moms of only boys not tend to do this because they don't do "boy things" (like play with cars)?

Chime in in the comments and let me know what you think! Have you noticed this Bad Only Girl thing or am I just out of whack? Were you and only or an only girl? What do you remember about the horrible girls you knew as a kid?

*disclaimer: I seem to know a disproportionately large number of ladies whose children consist of just one girl child, so the number who seem to be Bad Only Girls is teensy. Most seem to be doing a jam-up job of raising sensible young ladies.

PS: And what's up with the Instant Mom-ing? Moms of horrible kids will see mine and suddenly feel compelled to try to correct theirs. This mom of the BOG in the thrift store said, ineffectually, a few times "Brit'Nee, say 'excuse me'" or "Brit'Nee help pick up" (when I had my 4 and 5 year olds tidy all the toys BOG had hurled onto the floor of the toy room). The child ignored her entirely.

Honey, if you haven't been doing any parenting up till now, this ain't gonna work!

Today's funny

2009-08-02T07:55:00.000-04:00

OK, this made me dribble hot coffee down my chin:

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It helps that I'm both a Harry Potter fan and a ZZTop fan, but still, it's pretty giggle inspiring!