Ode to my fat arse - an introspection

As any of you who follow my Mommy Blog know, this fucking diet I'm on is kicking my arse.

It's not that I'm not losing weight. This is Blue's (Not) Patented Die-et. It fucking works. It's hard, but it works.

I've lost an incredible amount of weight since I had my last spawn 4 months ago, but I keep hitting these depressing plateaus that ... well, depress me.

So, I'm standing in the spraWl-Mart and contemplating the crowd and wishing - not for the first time - that I had my camera.

Fuck that shite, I'm wishing I had my camcorder.

Anyway, so right there in the check out lines I observe: a very plump young chick with a happy smile and an attentive and handsome male escort; a very broad-behinded mom (think Aunt Fanny from Robots - "Say hello to my dimpled friend!") with her brood of four attractive, slim, and well behaved children, ages six years or so to about mid-teens; and a piece of work.

The piece of work was young (dunno 15-25??) wearing very tight, very low slung jeans that gave me an unappreciated glimpse of her bum-crack at intervals, a black bra that didn't fit her (can you say: "fat bulging out under the arms"?), and what appeared to be a cheap flesh coloured camisole that came nowhere near the waist of her jeans producing a lovely muffin-top effect guaranteed to put you off your feed. She had on dirty flip-flop type sandals and the flared legs of her jeans dragged the ground and were frayed and filthy.

SEXY!

In addition, (in case you were unaware of her sexual status as mattress) she had an ugly green-black Ho Tag. Did i also mention the black bra under a pale coloured spaghetti strap camisole?


So I'm thinking why can't I just fucking be fat? Why do I need to lose weight? My Evil Genius Husband tell me daily that I don't need to lose any (yes, he's a sweetie under that dirty lab coat).

Folks immediately tell me (and often do thank you very much you fucking arsewipes hope you fall in front of an artic*) that i should lose weight for my "own self esteem".

M'kay ... so fat chicks have no self esteem? Or rather shouldn't have, due to them being big tubs o' lard? This line of thinking suggests just that. That overweight women (men have to be morbidly obese to receive this nugget of arse-vice) are somehow not as good as 'normal' women and so should have lower self esteem.

(Gawd I hate that 'self esteem' crap. A person with high self esteem has an inordinately high opinion of himself - he holds himself in very high esteem [back me up here, Mrs. Chili!]. Serial killers have high self esteem. The correct phrase is: a great deal of self confidence.)

But, you say, those three overweight women you saw were UGLY.

Nooooo. If you think they were, then it's because you were raised in a society that told you that fat is ugly. There are MANY societies who find a fleshy woman attractive and desirable. Should not a person be judged by her character and not her appearance? By how polite, friendly, helpful, honest, etc, that they are?

The only one who was unattractive was the last one and she was so NOT because of her weight but because she apparently was born without the gene enabling her to purchase tasteful clothing that fits her.

So, fuck it, Blue, you say, be fat, we don't care. Buy yourself a box of Krispy Kremes and shut the fuck up about it.

Why do I want to be thinner, anyway?

Well, simply, because I lack self confidence. I have no confidence whatsoever. Never have.

All my life I've been told that the ideal of female perfection is to be 1) thin, and 2) well educated. I can't shake it. The education part takes money, effort, and brains; three two things that I noticeably lack.

But, by golly, I can be thin(ner).

It's clearly a control thing. Something that I can do. Something that I have control over.

Questions is: can I do this without driving my family insane? Or my blog readers?

Hmmmmm.

*An articulated lorry - a semi truck - a tractor-trailer-truck.