Bad taste advisory

I know how you all simply hang on my every beverage review *snort*so I decided to do another. You know, in the interest of the public, and all.

The bevvie is called VitaminWater made (Bottled? Distilled?) by Glaceau. They apparently have a shitload of flavours (orange-carrot or dragonfruit anyone? *Blearghh*) but I was only presented with four there at my Bi-Lo (pronounced: "mah BAH-low") in the urban metropolis that is Newberry SC (pronounced: "NEW-burr").

And what did Blue think? Well my lovely assistant, Evil Genius Husband, has graciously offered to express my feelings for the camera so that you may fully appreciate them. I tried to get him to wear something brief and spangly but he drew the line at that.


<== This is the Multi-V and was lemondade flavoured. It was v. nice - just the right balance of flavour and sweetness and not at all overwhelming. It tasted like water with a touch of lemonade.

This is the Energy one ==>, supposedly 'tropical fruit' flavoured. It contains, among other things, gaurana which soulds a tad too close to guano for me, thanks. It tasted like monkey ass. If it had guano in it I guess that'd be bat's ass, which is really fun to say. Bat's ass! That might be my new phrase: "Fuck, this tastes like a bat's ass!" (I think it works better with the 'a' in there, don't you?)




So let's review. Multi-V (lemonade), light and refreshing:

Energy (tropical fruit), small furry flying mammal's asshole:


Please note how my review and the reviews on the linked page differ. I personally think that with the advent of artificial sweeteners and today's societal norms, everyone is so used to their 'water' tasting like a sugary soda that they can't drink anything that's lightly flavoured or - horrors! - not flavoured at all. Nowadays everyfuckingthing has to be flavoured, our coffee (see Denis Leary for a comprehensive report on this phenomenon), our water, our tea, even our fucking Diet Cokes!

We're now such an 'I-want-more', 'I-deserve-it', 'indulge-me' fucking society that plain is not good enough anymore. And yet people scramble all over themselves to get organic and natural foods. "There's no chemicals on my vegetables!" they crow while sucking down a diet soda loaded with splenda.

Fucking idiots.