How fresh is your crotch?

I was recently reading with delight one of my fave blogs: the Blogfathers, which is a blog contributed to by several fab DaddyBloggers. Well this one bloke brought up the topic of circumcision and, as a mother of two sons, a wife, and a penis aficionado, I had to lend a ... erm, hand to the topic.

Before I begin, let me say that I have no strong feelings about circumcision either way. Not for your son anyway. This is a personal choice but it's also a hot debate topic on the baby boards. This is one of those like breastfeeding that makes some of the militant bitches' eyes bug out and start spitting on people when they talk.

This isn't me. I don't give a fuck what you do with your own penii and please don't tell me what to do with mine. I've got that covered.

So anyway, both of my baby sons are circumcised. If my next one is a boy (hope-hope-hope) then he will be as well. I made the decision based on several things. I really do think that there is a health advantage; I happen to prefer the look of a circ'd tool; and then there's the hygiene issue.

Now I have had more outraged wives-of-intact men snarl at me about this. They say, to a woman, that their hubby's intact penis is positively pristine (alliteration!). They claim that you could grab their significant other off the street right this instant, drop their trou, peel back their foreskin and eat off of their sparkling glans. They are that clean.

This might be true. Maybe the average uncirc'd Johnson is that tidy. But I have four words for you: not in my experience.

I've had a chance in my 42 years to inspect a variety of willies, and willies and their accompanying testicular pals have an almost universal tendency: they are not clean. Circ'd, uncirc'd, young, old, whatever.

No offense to anyone out there, but face the facts: the whole male groin region tends to be thick with hair, sweaty, moist with unwiped wee, and smothered under layers of clothing all day. A few hours out of the shower and It. Is. Stank*.

Add to this lovely arrangement an uncircumcised penis, which keeps nestled in it's folds a cheesy substance called, charmingly: smegma. Also sweat, hair, random lint ...

People, I've rolled back foreskin and had everything but loose change fall out. Ya know, just EW.

Yes, yes, I've had many a mommy inform me tightly that she has taught her son to clean himself properly so this won't be an issue with her darling boy.

I believe you, honey. I really do. I have no doubt that you have done an excellent job in raising your sweet boy and teaching him to wash. I've taught mine as well. But we're not talking about 4 year olds. Or 12 year olds. We're talking about 18+ year olds whose mommies aren't quite as aware of the state of their baby's genital region.

Were talking about a group of people here who will live entirely on ramen noodles and cold, hard, peeled-facedown-off-the-grody-carpet leftover pizza, not out of poverty but because of laziness. Do you think the average 18-35 year old unmarried bloke is actually doing more than a quick hose-off of the meat-n-two-veg? Fuck no. Any times that his foreskin is fully retracted in the shower do not involve cleaning. Oh, if only friction alone would shine that little bald head and keep the luggage smelling sweet!

So that's it. That's all I wanted to say. As a fellatio hobbyist I've found circ'd willies to be much lower on the yuck factor at moment of presentation. No biggie. I hope my future daughters-in-law will be pleased.

*I don't mean to suggest for a second that a female's pudendal region is any less oogy, but we're not talking about snatch here. You might be thinking of snatch you naughty bugger but we're not talking about it. Oh, and at least we wipe.