These and other questions ...

Could it be that the most unatractive thing a person can do is to trim his toenails?

The fuck? I think I could wax my arsecrack with more grace than I manage while trimming my toenails. It's just plain ugly.

I think part of my problem is that I hate feet. Feet are fucking disgusting. I have never seen a pair where I just went: "Gosh what pretty feet!" Those words have never even crossed my mind in that context. I'd rather look at the arse-end of a scrotum or an elbow than at feet.

----

Why is it that we have universally recognized hand gestures (to employ while, say, driving and minding your own business) for :"FuckyouyoucocksuckerIhopeyouchokeonthat goddamncellphoneinafreakaccident gothefucktohellyouinsignificantmorselofshit", but not one for "I'm sorry"?

Why are there ten gestures that mean: "You just cut me off you misspent ejaculation!" but none that mean: "Oh, fuck, sorry! Didn't see you there, mate!"

?
----

What the fuck is up with people and cutting cakes? How fucking hard can it be?

Let's say you're at your office and they're having a party for Lurleen's 4th wedding and there's a cake. It's a round cake, a circle, a sublime shape in and of itself, and possesed of the delightful attribute that if cut properly it will easily yeild almost identical peices so that every little piggy gets the same share.

So you're standing there with the knife, drooling slightly with hunger because the idiots throwing this shindig had to fight over whether to take the money out of petty cash for the cups or just nick the ones that the coffee service brings. How do you cut the cake, Dilbert?

If you have a thimblful of brains in your head (or are a mechanical engineer), knowing that many are to be served, you cut the cake all the way accross, turn it 90 degrees, cut it accross again, turn it 45 degrees, cut, and so on.

If you're a fucking moron you attempt to hack out a cake-slice-shaped piece of cake, remove your creation, gouge out another next to it, etc.

Now, honestly. What are the chances of getting 1) same sized slices, or 2) correct number of slices with this latter method? Fucking infinitesimal! Teensy! You're not a bride. Cut the cake for everybody.

Combine a rectangular cake and the above moron and it's enough to send me gibbering and squeaking into a corner.

But that's not ... far.