Grab a hammer, asshole, accountability stops here
Yep, it's about time for a rant.
Why do people say "We're building a house"?
You're NOT building a house. You're having a house built.
Why do folks do this? How did it start? Is it a self-esteem issue (oh for fuck's sake)? Did the first suburbanite who couldn't figure out which end of a screw to hit feel like it was a blow to his psyche to not be actually constructing anything? Did it make his naughty bits feel small? Did he look at the guy shingling his roof and think: "He doesn't even have my college education, but he'll work 10 hours in the hot sun creating something of worth, something that will last, then get in his beat up pick-up in the evening, go home, have a few beers and consider it a good day. Fuck, I'm a useless nancy-boy who doesn't even know how to get the hood open on my SUV! I'll say that *I'm* building the house. That'll make me feel better!"
Are these the same people who say "We're pregnant"?
I draw the line at that one. Y'all are not fucking pregnant. She is preganant. All he has to do is put up with her being pregnant. That does not entitle you to any honours other than Wonderful Husband. That's a great title, stick with that one. Being a Wonderful Husband is a noble aspiration. I have a Wonderful Husband. They're pretty keen.
We're pregnant. Fuck.
He does not feel like he's gonna yark at even the mildest smell, feel ravenous all day then queasy the instant he eats, his feet have NOT gone up two sizes, his boobs and belly don't tingle hurt and itch, he didn't suddenly get acne for the first time since high school AND he will NOT be squeezing something the diameter of a regulation football out of an opening that can comfortably grip the average penis!
To be absolutely fair, though, I'll guarantee that it was a woman who came up with the 'we're pregnant' thing. Nowadays women are almost psychotic in their desire that their mates of whatever status or gender be TOTALLY IMMERSED IN THE BABY just like them. As if they can't just be supported by a great partner, they have to have a Misery Twin.
Pregnancy, an event that in our great grandmother's day was just a thang, is now a Major Life Happening. Not to mention eliciting an elaborate Dance of the Credit Card.
New moms go "Oh, but I want him to be included in this pregnancy! *simper*simper* It's his baby too!" So they make the poor bloke go shopping for bottle nipples (we should get some of each in case Graysonne Myrie doesn't like one!), baby clothes (this one's a different shade of pink than the other 50 I bought, honey), and strollers the same price as some small cars (but Julia Roberts got this one!).
Yes. It IS his baby! But it's YOUR pregnancy. Enjoy it! And quit being so needy.
Are folks today this self-absorbed?
Oh wait. My bad. These are the people who blames teachers, schools, the government, various disorders, the drugs that they hand out like candy for these various disorders (everyone but mummy and daddy!) for little Breighsyn not being able to get a job that strokes his self-esteem because he can't fucking speak english properly and couldn't write a coherent paragraph if he was offered a million large! These are the people who say that it's Mc Donald's fault that they are fat and demand wider seats on aeroplanes to accomodate their broad asses but, goddamnit, don't let them see increased airfare or delays! And don't forget the folks who bitch about the price of fuel but continue to flit about town all alone in their 7 seater SUV with four-wheel drive buying convenience foods in a million little plastic containers and snack sized zip-lok bags!
Your wife is pregnant, someone else is building your house, and your consumer obsession is contributing to the high cost of petrol! Accept it. Get over yourself.
Why do people say "We're building a house"?
You're NOT building a house. You're having a house built.
Why do folks do this? How did it start? Is it a self-esteem issue (oh for fuck's sake)? Did the first suburbanite who couldn't figure out which end of a screw to hit feel like it was a blow to his psyche to not be actually constructing anything? Did it make his naughty bits feel small? Did he look at the guy shingling his roof and think: "He doesn't even have my college education, but he'll work 10 hours in the hot sun creating something of worth, something that will last, then get in his beat up pick-up in the evening, go home, have a few beers and consider it a good day. Fuck, I'm a useless nancy-boy who doesn't even know how to get the hood open on my SUV! I'll say that *I'm* building the house. That'll make me feel better!"
Are these the same people who say "We're pregnant"?
I draw the line at that one. Y'all are not fucking pregnant. She is preganant. All he has to do is put up with her being pregnant. That does not entitle you to any honours other than Wonderful Husband. That's a great title, stick with that one. Being a Wonderful Husband is a noble aspiration. I have a Wonderful Husband. They're pretty keen.
We're pregnant. Fuck.
He does not feel like he's gonna yark at even the mildest smell, feel ravenous all day then queasy the instant he eats, his feet have NOT gone up two sizes, his boobs and belly don't tingle hurt and itch, he didn't suddenly get acne for the first time since high school AND he will NOT be squeezing something the diameter of a regulation football out of an opening that can comfortably grip the average penis!
To be absolutely fair, though, I'll guarantee that it was a woman who came up with the 'we're pregnant' thing. Nowadays women are almost psychotic in their desire that their mates of whatever status or gender be TOTALLY IMMERSED IN THE BABY just like them. As if they can't just be supported by a great partner, they have to have a Misery Twin.
Pregnancy, an event that in our great grandmother's day was just a thang, is now a Major Life Happening. Not to mention eliciting an elaborate Dance of the Credit Card.
New moms go "Oh, but I want him to be included in this pregnancy! *simper*simper* It's his baby too!" So they make the poor bloke go shopping for bottle nipples (we should get some of each in case Graysonne Myrie doesn't like one!), baby clothes (this one's a different shade of pink than the other 50 I bought, honey), and strollers the same price as some small cars (but Julia Roberts got this one!).
Yes. It IS his baby! But it's YOUR pregnancy. Enjoy it! And quit being so needy.
Are folks today this self-absorbed?
Oh wait. My bad. These are the people who blames teachers, schools, the government, various disorders, the drugs that they hand out like candy for these various disorders (everyone but mummy and daddy!) for little Breighsyn not being able to get a job that strokes his self-esteem because he can't fucking speak english properly and couldn't write a coherent paragraph if he was offered a million large! These are the people who say that it's Mc Donald's fault that they are fat and demand wider seats on aeroplanes to accomodate their broad asses but, goddamnit, don't let them see increased airfare or delays! And don't forget the folks who bitch about the price of fuel but continue to flit about town all alone in their 7 seater SUV with four-wheel drive buying convenience foods in a million little plastic containers and snack sized zip-lok bags!
Your wife is pregnant, someone else is building your house, and your consumer obsession is contributing to the high cost of petrol! Accept it. Get over yourself.
posted by MrsEvilGenius at 1:04 PM
3 Comments:
Hear !! Hear!! Well said. I will not pick up a hammer when our house is being built. I toted all three of these kids and shoot the person who came up with the dollar menu at McDonald's. It's been hell on my butt.
Well...
I didn't build my house, but I have built parts of it.
My friend and I built his house. Seriously. I bought a compressor and pneumatic tools even. Didn't even permanently damage each other either. The only really sucky part was carrying the bundles of shingles onto the roof since we didn't know we could have them delivered directly to the roof.
The cool part was tearing the old stuff down. I love sledgehammers.
Oh and I like the dollar menu for quick, fast, cheap food when I'm in a hurry.
However, I might be an abberation.
Is this like when the doctor enters the waiting room and says "how are we doing today?"? I'm always tempted to reply "Do you have worms?".
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