Hands off my tuna, bitches!
I am dieting.
It makes me crabby as FUCK (I'd like to issue a standing apology to Evil Genius Husband at this point). It's bad enough being fucking FAT without having to starve all day as well ...
Anyway, I've had the opportunity (and means) recently to indulge myself and I came accross these . They're tuna fillets and pretty damned good. I get them because it makes counting calories easy (I eat them straight and 1 pouch is only 120 calories). They have a great firm texture ... usually. Then I opened my pack-of-the-day today.
I peered in to find random flakes of meat. If I wanted flaked tuna, I'd buy the fucking FLAKED tuna. So what happened, you ask? You know I'm going to tell ya: While this particular package was nestled innocently on the shelf 47 bitches wandered by and said to themselves: "Gosh, I know what tuna is and I know what a filet is and there's a picture of the product on the pouch but I wonder what extra information I can gather by feeling this product that I don't intend to purchase?"
*mash*mash*mash*fondle*squeeze*mash*
And then they wander off to violate other foods leaving the battered packages behind for some poor asshole like myself to buy. I'm pretty sure that the majority of these bints are wearing bedroom slippers and letting their kids run amok up and down the aisles.
Why? Why do women do this? (I'm sure men do as well but I'd bet my left tit that it's 99.998% a habit of women. You don't see men scuffing about in public in their night attire much either.)
I have seen the weirdest shit of this kind. I've seen two grown women spraying air fresheners onto the shelf-front and then smelling it (the shelf!). I watched them go though can after can until they found just the right scent. (It was LEMON! I looked! How can you not know what LEMON smells like?) I've seen bitter looking old women squeezing fruit so hard that it left thumbprints in the flesh. I've seen women open and eat packages of food while wandering the store. I've seen them open multiple packs of diapers so they "compare what they look like". Correct me if I'm wrong here, but does it fucking matter? They have a picture of the product on the package so you can clearly see the fasteners and isn't the absorbency what's most important? Will I one day come around the end of the aisle to find some twinkie pissing into a baby diaper to 'test' it??
I've seen women discard packs of meat (or cheese or jugs of milk - or worse: ice cream) all over the store - just shove it onto an empty space on a random shelf. I've even seen them do it while waiting in line to check out. For fuck's sake, you idiot! If you don't want something give it to the cashier so it can be restocked before it rots, you senseless bitch!
Who gave these people permission to be tacky, tasteless, poorly-bred, self-absorbed idiots? Did I miss a meeting? I'm gonna snap one day in the middle of the grocery store. I swear it! If you read in the news about some woman being dragged from a Wal-Mart in South Carolina by 3 police officers (It will take three, I'm fat remember) and screaming incoherently about tuna, it will most likely be me.
Hmm ... I wonder how many calories that would burn?
It makes me crabby as FUCK (I'd like to issue a standing apology to Evil Genius Husband at this point). It's bad enough being fucking FAT without having to starve all day as well ...
Anyway, I've had the opportunity (and means) recently to indulge myself and I came accross these . They're tuna fillets and pretty damned good. I get them because it makes counting calories easy (I eat them straight and 1 pouch is only 120 calories). They have a great firm texture ... usually. Then I opened my pack-of-the-day today.
I peered in to find random flakes of meat. If I wanted flaked tuna, I'd buy the fucking FLAKED tuna. So what happened, you ask? You know I'm going to tell ya: While this particular package was nestled innocently on the shelf 47 bitches wandered by and said to themselves: "Gosh, I know what tuna is and I know what a filet is and there's a picture of the product on the pouch but I wonder what extra information I can gather by feeling this product that I don't intend to purchase?"
*mash*mash*mash*fondle*squeeze*mash*
And then they wander off to violate other foods leaving the battered packages behind for some poor asshole like myself to buy. I'm pretty sure that the majority of these bints are wearing bedroom slippers and letting their kids run amok up and down the aisles.
Why? Why do women do this? (I'm sure men do as well but I'd bet my left tit that it's 99.998% a habit of women. You don't see men scuffing about in public in their night attire much either.)
I have seen the weirdest shit of this kind. I've seen two grown women spraying air fresheners onto the shelf-front and then smelling it (the shelf!). I watched them go though can after can until they found just the right scent. (It was LEMON! I looked! How can you not know what LEMON smells like?) I've seen bitter looking old women squeezing fruit so hard that it left thumbprints in the flesh. I've seen women open and eat packages of food while wandering the store. I've seen them open multiple packs of diapers so they "compare what they look like". Correct me if I'm wrong here, but does it fucking matter? They have a picture of the product on the package so you can clearly see the fasteners and isn't the absorbency what's most important? Will I one day come around the end of the aisle to find some twinkie pissing into a baby diaper to 'test' it??
I've seen women discard packs of meat (or cheese or jugs of milk - or worse: ice cream) all over the store - just shove it onto an empty space on a random shelf. I've even seen them do it while waiting in line to check out. For fuck's sake, you idiot! If you don't want something give it to the cashier so it can be restocked before it rots, you senseless bitch!
Who gave these people permission to be tacky, tasteless, poorly-bred, self-absorbed idiots? Did I miss a meeting? I'm gonna snap one day in the middle of the grocery store. I swear it! If you read in the news about some woman being dragged from a Wal-Mart in South Carolina by 3 police officers (It will take three, I'm fat remember) and screaming incoherently about tuna, it will most likely be me.
Hmm ... I wonder how many calories that would burn?
posted by MrsEvilGenius at 1:38 PM
1 Comments:
Ah Blue, I know this lament well, having worked in a grocery store for more than a decade...
oh, the stories I could tell about the people I've seen...
you ever seen that scene in Clerks where the woman goes through all the milk jugs to find the perfect date? Absolutely true. I worked in a dairy department for a number of months, and once came back to my department to find some 50 jugs of milk strewn about the floor, and a small elderly woman completely ensconced in the dairy case, digging around the back of it... it blew my mind.
so I understand your frustrations there... there is something about retail stores that just tends to make some people very, very stupid...
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