Ohh, 'scuse me ... blogfart

I ... uhhh ... have no idea what to blog about.

I feel like Eddie Izzard (but not so cool) when he has his little brainfarts up on stage and can't think of what he was talking about. Except he unfreezes and says funny shit. Don't get your hopes up about that happening to me.



I will tell you this: apparently it was little-old-women-in-pick-up-trucks-day in Newberry last time I was there. And I don’t mean little old farm wife Marge, barely able to see over the steering wheel, driving into town in Floyd’s F-150 because her Crown Vic is in the shop having it’s AC fixed. Those tough old birds have usually driven trucks enough in their lives to be fairly adept. I mean little wrinkly, sour old things in quick small trucks like Nissans and Toyotas. One particularly decrepit specimen was tailgating me with a vengance whilst simultaneously rubbernecking and she almost ran my fat arse over.

I shit you not. The bloke in front of me tapped his brakes and I was forced to hit mine and she damn near turned my little silver van into a speed bump. Funny part was that, aside from a little bunching of her shoulders, she didn’t appear to have been distressed at all by her proximity to my bumper (aproximately ¼ of an inch) there at the end.



(Thanks AeroDog for the pic!)

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OK, so I’m searching the web for sex toys …

What?

Oh come on, what did you do with your tax return?

Anyway, I’m Googling along (interesting stuff here, here, and here) when I came across the word Dominatrix. I’ve always loved this word. Very sexy. (along with its recently discovered variation: Strap-onatrix).

I really love words in general, even though I don’t spell them well. (A universal apology about that BTW. My Word spellchecker is fucked and when I run spellcheck in Blogger it replaces all of my punctuation with little squares. Y’know like a font does if it doesn’t have corresponding characters? If anyone can help me correct either of these I’d be grateful. In the meantime you’ll have to suffer with my clumsy speellyng adtemps.)

Anyway, as I'm such a word buff, I’m signed up for a bunch of those word-a-day thingies and I'm beginning to suspect that they have some sort of intelligent search function - like the Google Adsense [subliminal message follows: click on my adverts you wankers, uh, thank you] ads have. I offer this theory up because the words they send me seem to be rather ... telling.

Example: one of my words for today was PROFANE.

profane (adjective) impure, unholy
Synonyms: disrespectful, immoral, indecent

I mean, fuck! How weird is that shit? Yeah, yeah, I suppose that's silly. They couldn't be talking about me, could they? Then again, another one was PARANOID. (No lie!)

So, anyway, I fancy the word dominatrix so much that I’ve decided to endevour to apply the suffix –atrix to as many words as possible from now on.

Just call me Blue the Bloggenatrix.