Feeling special
I'm having a crabby day so this will be a crabby post ... you've been warned! LOL.
I've never had a baby shower. This is my 4th baby and I've never had one. The ladies on one of my many bulletin boards are excitedly talking about registering for gifts.
It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel small and unworthy.
The funny part is that I hate parties, especially baby showers with their idiotic games. I get ultra-embarrased if anyone pays attention to me. I dislike opening gifts in front of people. I guess I don't feel like I deserve it or that they are 'just being nice'.
The dumbest part about the baby shower-and-me idea is that I don't need a thing. Or, rather, the babies don't need a thing (well, napppies are always welcomed). The only thing we need is money! I always tell folks to get me gift cards but they always seem - well - f*cked off. As if the act of giving to me was somehow marred by them not getting to buy a gift ... even if I didn't need it. This, of course, makes me feel even worse.
So what's up with me? Why the depression? How can something that I don't need and wouldn't enjoy have such a negative effect on me?
I think it's about feeling special. Yeah, yeah, that sounds so lame, but I think it's true. One of the underlying results of a baby shower is that it makes the new mom feel special. For a few hours she's being fussed over and showered with gifts.
I think everyone needs these moments now and then. Not nessessarily the presents (although that's a bonus), but a card here, flowers there, time for a quiet bath, a dinner out. An interruption in their mundane lives that says: 'for this instant in time, you are special'.
Maybe it's because I had such a crap birthday this year. I turned Fourty and it was just another day. I washed the same dishes, hung up the same clothes, cooked supper, went to bed. I did get one really nice gift (which unfortunately needs a place to be displayed, so I can't enjoy it now. Grrr!), but no ripple in the stream of my life. It kinda makes you want to shout at the world: "Do you even know I'm here? Do I matter at all?"
Back to baby showers. Of course we mums get the ultimate gift, whether we had a baby shower or not: we get the baby at the finish. We get to snuggle with that perfect little addition to our family and get the supreme title: Mother.
Of course we also get the night feedings, the loads of nappies, the spit-up on our collars, LOL. It's a gift we pay for for the rest of our lives.
But, that's not so bad. I'll take that job. I might not be special but I do the work pretty well.
I've never had a baby shower. This is my 4th baby and I've never had one. The ladies on one of my many bulletin boards are excitedly talking about registering for gifts.
It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel small and unworthy.
The funny part is that I hate parties, especially baby showers with their idiotic games. I get ultra-embarrased if anyone pays attention to me. I dislike opening gifts in front of people. I guess I don't feel like I deserve it or that they are 'just being nice'.
The dumbest part about the baby shower-and-me idea is that I don't need a thing. Or, rather, the babies don't need a thing (well, napppies are always welcomed). The only thing we need is money! I always tell folks to get me gift cards but they always seem - well - f*cked off. As if the act of giving to me was somehow marred by them not getting to buy a gift ... even if I didn't need it. This, of course, makes me feel even worse.
So what's up with me? Why the depression? How can something that I don't need and wouldn't enjoy have such a negative effect on me?
I think it's about feeling special. Yeah, yeah, that sounds so lame, but I think it's true. One of the underlying results of a baby shower is that it makes the new mom feel special. For a few hours she's being fussed over and showered with gifts.
I think everyone needs these moments now and then. Not nessessarily the presents (although that's a bonus), but a card here, flowers there, time for a quiet bath, a dinner out. An interruption in their mundane lives that says: 'for this instant in time, you are special'.
Maybe it's because I had such a crap birthday this year. I turned Fourty and it was just another day. I washed the same dishes, hung up the same clothes, cooked supper, went to bed. I did get one really nice gift (which unfortunately needs a place to be displayed, so I can't enjoy it now. Grrr!), but no ripple in the stream of my life. It kinda makes you want to shout at the world: "Do you even know I'm here? Do I matter at all?"
Back to baby showers. Of course we mums get the ultimate gift, whether we had a baby shower or not: we get the baby at the finish. We get to snuggle with that perfect little addition to our family and get the supreme title: Mother.
Of course we also get the night feedings, the loads of nappies, the spit-up on our collars, LOL. It's a gift we pay for for the rest of our lives.
But, that's not so bad. I'll take that job. I might not be special but I do the work pretty well.
posted by MrsEvilGenius at 9:21 AM
3 Comments:
Blue... I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I see you as an incredibly special person and I'm sure those closer to you see you this way too.
Something I'm learning in life these days is that I can't look to others to define how I feel about myself... it sucks, but it's up to me. What I'm saying is that you need to think yourself deserving and special before others will. (I'm even backed up by Dr. Phil who said this on his show last night - ha) You need to make this important. I'm here to say make yourself important! You can do this in a lot of different ways, but mostly it's a mindset. Funny thing is that when you can do this, it won't matter anymore if anyone else thinks the same or not. It takes practice but you will feel important no matter what.
I know its not quite what you were looking for, but I think you should throw a party for yourself, for the new baby, for your family! I'm SERIOUS! Invite those you would have had to a shower (maybe leave off the list the meanies that you may feel obligated to have but just bring things down.) and celebrate you and the wonderful family you and your husband have created. Tell them no gifts if you want or tell them you've created a new baby fund that you'd love to receive contributions to, whatever you want! It's a shower, it's a birthday party, ... it's a "I'm special and I want to share it with the world because we all deserve it" party.
This post breaks my heart. I got to your blog through fertility friend. Of course you are special! I do not agree with all your views, but I am always happy when I stumble across your posts. You have strong beliefs, beautiful children, nice names with meaning, etc. If I lived anywhere close to you I would throw you a grand slam of a party, just for you and your baby, because you're special. I am sending hugs your direction. :-)
Hey sweetie its' Lori! long time no talk to. Congrats on the baby news thats' so exciting. Hope everything goes ok with you. I wish you and Clark well.
and I'm all for a shower they are good for you and you get free stuff
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